WA Rant

I am one of those generations where my childhood was VHS tapes, playing outside, home phone, bulky computers, and BackStreet Boys. I still remember the time where I would talk for hours on the landline (cause it is far more cheaper and my friends and I doesn’t have our own phones at that age).

Now, at 20 years old, I see how our mobile phones had grown; from those flip phones to touchscreen smartphone. Our way of communication has changed too. Sending text messages that cost 20 cents each to practically free now via Whatsapp.

And that lies the problem. It seems that we do not know how to communicate effectively. Call, not text when the topic is something serious. Personally, I just don’t like solving things such as conflict through text.

I just want to talk about Whatsapp honestly.

You definitely have someone who blueticked you before or you are the one who did that.

The reason I bought up conflicts cause some time ago, I resort to WA to solve something and long story short, I got ignored (both through texts and real life).

And honestly, if you are one who does that, I want you to understand that it takes a lot of courage to send those messages, you know? I know I am at the risk of being ignored but I am still taking that risk because, for some blind reason, at that time, I think you are worth it (that how I felt ages ago, now, nope).

Just imagine this happening in real life, alright. You’re basically denying my existence in front of me and if you don’t think that is rude*, I pray your mannerism get better.
*In the context that we knew each other/are friends, not in the context of a drunken person shouting at you, in the case, you have the right to ignore. Use common sense lah in what I mean here.

So yea, maybe I’m just another millennial being butthurt or what not, this is the 21st century yall, don’t start ignoring a person w/o any reasons. It just made me so fking pissed when I heard of these things happening. *roll eyes*

Happy Birthday

It’s your birthday today.

My computer reminded me today with an alarm.
My phone reminded me with permanently flagging that date.
My email account sent a courtesy reminder to my inbox.

Its been a year.

Funny how technology the one that maintains this thin thread between us.

I didn’t want to be alone today.

Because I know I will be reminiscing about the past and wondering myself if I ever will get closure.

I’m done blaming myself, analyzing my actions, pondering those “what if” situations. In some ways, I moved on from that phase.

But I was alone today.

And it kind of forces me to face the reality that I did not change much. I’m a bit disappointed but know that I’m not tied down by you anymore.

I uh, I couldn’t greet you. Directly. Cause I know I’m just a distant memory now. Thrown and forgotten and I don’t want for you to be reminded of how I was. How I was last year when we met coincidentally.

So I’m doing this here because I found strength through my writing.

Happy Birthday.

Disdain

We could have spent Saturday night watching a movie on your sofa but you choose to drive to town instead.

We could have spent our days in laughter and be happy but you choose to be sad instead.

We could have help and support each other but you choose to take only.

You could have all of me but you choose someone who does not even give a part of their heart.

–  This been in my draft for too long.

Hannah

And so I slit my wrists on the bathtub.

I feel the blood dripping to the water.
I am seeing it colouring the water to red.

I leave the door unlocked cause it doesn’t matter anymore.

It is all ending now.

Finally, everything.

Everything.

Stops here.


I wrote this piece as I thought of Hannah Baker from the hit TV Series “13 Reasons Why”. In a lot of ways, I identified myself with her. The sadness, the overthinking. However, in a lot of ways too, I’m different. There have been criticisms that the series romanticises suicide. The way I view it, I feel like the show highlights the after effects of suicide. You can see the pain on that show.