Its not anger.

It’s the sadness that initially came and laced with a cloud of anger as that was the only way I know.

To push the sadness and disappointments and pity away as far as possible.

Being in an angry state is denial, or a pause sign, to all thoughts and feelings that will creep me in my sleep that I never want to face.

The words of encouragements and apologies felt too foreign in these undeserving arms of mine.

Things are slipping by and I can’t do anything than to retort in a childlike manner to extreme situations.



9 am:

I got reminded of your laugh today and it was stuck in my brain for the whole day.

12 pm:

I was remembering those rides around Bandar.

10.45 pm:

I still hated your psychotic ex that you told me about for scarring you.

1.30 am:

Laying on my bed, Crying and swallowing my pain. Thinking of how easy you are in tossing me and it just hurts more that I just wish for me to end my pain permanently. Its too torturing to just keep living.



I hope you and her broke up to be honest.

I don’t really feel bad saying or thinking that, I lost the ability to empathize with people nowadays. I don’t feel sad anymore.

I don’t hope her to be affected, yea, part of me still resent her but she’s a better person than you.

I more to just wanting to see you crash and burn emotionally.

Inflicting the same pain as you inflicted on me.

May you suffer as I suffer.

And for your happiness to be short-lived.



Out of sight.
Out of mind.

Not knowing,
not caring,
is better.

If knowing the truth hurt while knowing you’re avoiding to tell hurt too,
might as well just leave you be.

If I’m not needed anymore,
I don’t want to prove that I’m worth it again,
Cause I know I am.

The question now is,
what will you do?

I’m just putting a pause on everything with keeping myself busy with distractions.



It’s heartbreaking when a friendship ends.
It doesn’t matter if the other person chooses to leave or it was your decision,
the spot is empty now,
with anguish,
with shattered hopes,
with nostalgia.

It’s so much more painful.
It’s messier and tearier.
It’s confusion and understanding mixed in a bowl filled with cereal letters spelling ‘fuck off’.

They were there for you,
and next, you found out that you were just an obligation to them,
or you’re taking too much on their emotional toll.
And they were gone.
Vice versa.


Feeling wordy tonight, and always at the brink of exhaustion. Its 4 am now and should really sleep but gripped by this particular sentence (the last one) in my mind. 

Can you hear it?

Listen really carefully.
Focus on that faint rasping.
On that slight tugging on your heart.
The momentary silence.
Just your own heartbeat.

Can you hear it?


Can you see it?

That glow the person is giving out.
And everything surrounding that person seems to fade away.
The face is etched in you.
How the sunlight seems to make her eyes changes colour from hazel brown to golden yellow.
Blink again to appreciate your eyes are not fooling you.

Can you see it?


Can you feel it?

The walls that are crashing down this moment.
The waves that became rough at the shore.
The storms that are slowly manifesting into a typhoon.
And just as suddenly,
everything is calm.

Can you feel it?


Can you taste the melody of love that is brought to you?