AfterThoughts, Writings

Hannah

And so I slit my wrists on the bathtub.

I feel the blood dripping to the water.
I am seeing it colouring the water to red.

I leave the door unlocked cause it doesn’t matter anymore.

It is all ending now.

Finally, everything.

Everything.

Stops here.


I wrote this piece as I thought of Hannah Baker from the hit TV Series “13 Reasons Why”. In a lot of ways, I identified myself with her. The sadness, the overthinking. However, in a lot of ways too, I’m different. There have been criticisms that the series romanticises suicide. The way I view it, I feel like the show highlights the after effects of suicide. You can see the pain on that show. 

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AfterThoughts, Writings

Are there no one in this world,
who can save me from this crippling sadness?

When will I not be used,
by people,
for their own benefits,
and their selfish reasons?

Those who needed me,
as they needed saving,
and I was there,
regardless of the circumstances

Those who I had loved in the past,
where I gave a piece of me,
and I knew that,
it would never be returned.

Cynic and Realist,
in friends,
are disturbing the territory of
Hope and Romance.

These ideal are constantly at war.

As time went and experiences were gained,
the innocent side is slowly diminishing.
Its feel as if I’m losing parts of my personality.

However,
self-actualization is always been the main goal.
A trade of this for leading to my own happiness seem reasonable.

But,
as there is always a but,
that made me think,
are there really no one in this world,
who can save me from this crippling sadness?

-I was inspired to write this piece of writing after hearing Ed Sheeran’s Save Myself. 

 

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AfterThoughts

‘The Longest Ride’AfterThoughts

ira-and-ruth-breaking-up-1-1ira-and-ruth-breaking-up-1-2

I remember this scene vividly from ‘The Longest Ride’ because of what Ira (the male character) said to Ruth. You can see the hurt in both of their eyes, you can feel the sincerity behind Ira’s words yet also sense a tingle of fear in his voice.

This scene is the epitome of “If you love someone, let them go.” It is one of the many portrayal of selfless love and what I feel people lacks in today’s society.

For me, romantic love isn’t about being in control, it isn’t about being consumed in the love that you suffocate in it, it’s not all things disruptions that pop songs seem to convey.

You want to be with someone who brings out the good in you and vice versa. Someone who won’t destroy you but instead show you that love is calm, soothing, like the dreamlike consciousness before you fell into your slumber. Love is a blessing, not a curse.

Call me a hopeless romantic, call me naive, but once you felt this, you’ll lose all sense of the ‘disruptive’ love. You won’t go back to it.

I remember I read a poem on ThoughtCatalog that express well on this. Once I found it, I’ll update here again! Just want to say something briefly on this pic which I stumbled upon on my laptop while taking a break from studying.

xx

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AfterThoughts

‘Train To Busan’ AfterThoughts

Hello readers! *wink wink at certain someone*

AfterThoughts will be my personal take on movies/dramas/shows/any kind of visual entertainments that left an impression on me. It’s basically my personal thoughts after watching it, so spoiler alert!

On 18th September, I finally had a chance to watch Train To Busan, a Korean movie about zombies basically, with a close friend of mine. He had to watch me cry and listen to my sniffles during the movie and after in his car. Just for context, I’m a person who cries easily.

There were a lot of scenes that made me cry. Some of them are listed below.
When
– the soldier that was asking for help as he was walking slowly towards the main character
– high school kid can’t beat his friends who had turned into zombies,
– the pregnant wife’s husband got bitten and sacrifice himself,
– the lil girl crying as the other passengers won’t open the door for them (that fat ass old motherfker was holding the door, remember?)
– the high school couples died in the end [intense crying]
– the beggar that sacrifice himself

And finally, the scene that really broke my heart was when the main character thought of the day his daughter was born at his dying moments (of being human).

Seeing how so many characters that I thought would have a chance of surviving died in the end, I was expecting the soldier to shoot the last two survivors at the tunnel. It was a tense moment seeing how he was prepared to shoot and thankfully, the little girl sing. Who would have thought singing can save you?

There were a lot of self-sacrifices in this movie. Have you ever question yourself, could you do it? Could you throw away your own life to help others? In my opinion, this is the main theme that Train To Busan seem to highlight.

It is basically a test of your humanity. At the beginning of the movie, we can see that the main character (MC) was selfish and tell his daughter to take care of herself at times like this. He also called some high ranking officials in the army to exclude the two of them. There is another character which display the same behaviour as him; the old guy.
The main difference is that the MC changed throughout the movie while the old muthafuka guy just keep fking around and killing so many people.

However, can you really blame him for being selfish? What would you do in his exact situation? Everyone was scared and desperate to survive. The strongest will prevail while the weak will die. That old guy had that concept. In his dying moment, he was scared. You can see it in his eyes. And also, he wanted to go back to his family. That reason justified his horrible actions. It’s easy to hate him, but what will you do?

Nonetheless, if the passengers were to let them in in the first place, so many deaths could be prevented. If only they helped each other instead  of bickering, they would have known the zombies’ weak spots. The pregnant lady’s husband could be alive. The sister too.

But they didn’t, instead they gagged up the high school girl. It’s really frustrating. At a crisis like this, we need to help each other. Look what happen to them, karma hits them and they fking died in the end. Serve them right. If only they were not afraid.

Another significant moment was the scene where the father thought of the day his daughter was born. It symbolized the happier days and innocence. It symbolized a father’s promise to love and protect his daughter with all his life. And he did.

This movie posed so many questions to me. The thing I fear is that, I would be like that old guy, egotistical and frightened. Yes, as an audience, I readily said that I will help, but I’m not prepared to risk my life as well for strangers.

That’s the thing about humans, we are prepared to throw our life for people that we love, but we have second thoughts for strangers.

 

 

 

 

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