The flowers on the tree are only noticeable when they wilt and fell to the ground. Only then, people will look up. 

Similarly, some people will only noticed you when you are gone. 

Look for the ones that already appreciate the flowers when they are alive. 

AfterThoughts, Writings

Are there no one in this world,
who can save me from this crippling sadness?

When will I not be used,
by people,
for their own benefits,
and their selfish reasons?

Those who needed me,
as they needed saving,
and I was there,
regardless of the circumstances

Those who I had loved in the past,
where I gave a piece of me,
and I knew that,
it would never be returned.

Cynic and Realist,
in friends,
are disturbing the territory of
Hope and Romance.

These ideal are constantly at war.

As time went and experiences were gained,
the innocent side is slowly diminishing.
Its feel as if I’m losing parts of my personality.

self-actualization is always been the main goal.
A trade of this for leading to my own happiness seem reasonable.

as there is always a but,
that made me think,
are there really no one in this world,
who can save me from this crippling sadness?

-I was inspired to write this piece of writing after hearing Ed Sheeran’s Save Myself. 



I wish upon the moon tonight

I wish to hold you close,

so close so you can feel the warmth,

and to feel what I can’t convey with words,

that you are worth everything.


I wish for you to see yourself,

from my eyes,

and you will see that I have nothing but affections & adoration.


I wish you know just how much I value you,

so that you can do the same for yourself.

And that I’m always here.

For you.

Just Ehsan Elaborating, Thoughts

Life Lesson

There are some people in your life that are meant to stay for a while and when the time comes, they will leave. 

There are some people in your life who are not meant to stay, but you choose to let them to even though it is toxic.

Is there a clear distinction between those two sentences?

The first is the people in your life who had a profound effect on you, whether it was a good or bad experience, they are only there to teach you a lesson in life. Think about those heartbreaks you had with your exes, those waves of laughter you had with your kindergarten friends, those self-esteem issues with your bullies, the first fight you had with your best friend, all of these experiences, shaped you to become who you are today. While we might have innate traits since birth, environmental factors still play a major role in ourselves.

The second is when you refused to let these people go when they should have. And it usually turns out into something ugly, and hurtful. The period of time they are in your life does not matter, whether it is 2 months or 10 years. When it is the time to let go, you let go.

If you don’t, oh darling, you are just doing yourself more harm and I know that feeling. Trust me, I do because I choose the latter.

However, I am changing that.

A friend of mine told me some really honest views of his that made me cry. He did not sugarcoat his words, he did not comfort me, he was being brutally honest. And I think, that was what I needed.

There is no use clinging on to someone based on the past if that person had already given up/not putting in the effort anymore. If he/she has decided that you are not worth their time anymore, why are you still working on it? This is the tricky part, finding out the why. To do that, you really need to search deep within your heart and ask yourself this uncomfortable questions. Is it because you still see hope? Or you thought back to the past where that person said you were once important for them?

That when you need to fucking realise, again, that while you are holding on to this, he/she is not. Anymore. People get bored. You are simply past the expiration date for that person. Also, don’t think it is their loss, your loss, or whatever. It is not their loss if that person had decided that he/she can do better, why is it their loss?

So yea, this is what I learned from him. You may disagree with his views, but for me, it is one that I knew already but never acknowledge it.


There are some people in your life who will stay forever.

Maybe you found them already, maybe you haven’t. But there are.

Hugs, xx.

Just Ehsan Elaborating, Thoughts

My Personal View

I have been receiving a string of bad news lately that are tied to people I care about and to be honest, it is stressing me out.

I do understand that me being a third person, stressing out or worrying won’t help at all. The way I’m feeling now cannot be on the same page as them.

But, I still am worried. 

It is only because I know how some people can be.

No matter how much exposure you give to a cause, for example, spreading knowledge about a kid with cancer, there will still be people who don’t care. Or they care at that one moment and they forget about it the next day.

No matter how much retweets are given, how much ‘shares’ are clicked on a Facebook post, how much pictures are posted on Instagram, there will always, always, be people who will forget about this and move on.

And that is not something I want. I do not want you to stop talking about it. I do not want you to forget about it. I want you to remember it in your skins and bones.

However, I won’t condemn you if you do not feel that way. Because I am a hypocrite. I am one of those people. I stopped caring about things that are not related to me a few years ago as it’s taking a toll on my mental health. The only reason I am caring about this is because people who I considered close with are being affected and that is not nice. I do not like seeing them stressful.

Please do know that I am bad at this type of situation and I really don’t know what to say. I can only give you hugs and those standardised responses.

Hugs, xx

Monthly Last Post

Last Day of February

Hello, everyone!

I have a chronic disease of procrastination as this post was supposed to be on last day of February. I also noticed that my monthly last post didn’t turn out to be monthly as I realise there are few months missing since I started this blog? *awkward laugh*

I read back on my previous ‘last day of month’ post and I didn’t even specify how much I had saved. Well, that’s a bummer since I’m pretty sure you guys like Maths like I do (espeacially when it comes to $$$).

So, back in December 2016, I said I had $790 in savings and in January 2017, I mentioned briefly that I bought my air tickets already.

[Maths’ Time]

December 2016: $790
(from monthly allowance since July 2016 + $40 from somewhere)
Air tickets: $747
Excess: $43

January 2017: $43 + $150 (from monthly allowance)
+ $100 (from angpows)
= $293

February 2017: $293 + $150 (from monthly allowance)
+ $200 (from a side job) + $200 (from my sister)
= $843


Wait, wtf? I’m as surprised as you are. Okie, I’m pleasantly surprised, though. I’m doing a side job, nothing too demanding, just helping my mum around. The $200 is a one-time thing from my sister, heh 🙂

Alright, peeps, so we are in the month of March now and I can sense that it will be a good month! Remember how I said I was having a sore throat last couple of days, turn out I’m spreading my germs to my family, MUAHAHAHA.

February was a tough month for me, but I learned that there are still people who care and also that sometimes, you have to be the one that picks yourself up. Friends are nice to depend on and true friends are there for you, but you need to be able to help yourself too when you’re alone.

I realised I have been allowing myself to be this fking sad emotional blob and honestly, I told myself to just stop. Stop fking yourself, Ehsan. Stop with all these self-pity and just get up there.

Still on my journey to self-love. I wish all of you a good day!

Hugs, xx.