Baking, Just Ehsan Elaborating

Baking For Myself

I woke up with a sore throat this morning and my first thought immediately went to a friend of mine who was sick past few days. “I must have gotten the germs from him, dammit Bryan.”

My second thought was that I wanted to try and bake the chocolate chips cookies recipe I mentioned in my previous post. Click here if you want to try it as well 🙂

Prepping the ingredients always take a long time for me. I started at 3 pm and only finished with just the ingredients around 4 pm (okie, minus the time I took to wash the dishes, throw the rubbish bin, fill the bin with plastic bags, finding bowls etc).

The process of baking these cookies is therapeutic and given the past couples of day where I been feeling a bit down, it kinda saves me (lol, I know, like wtf, but wait, I get on to it).

I have not melted the butter in a long time and this recipe called for it. By melting the butter under medium heat and stirring it continuously, it will give a much richer taste to the cookies. When I was melting it, you should have been here. The aroma is just so so heavenly. It’s the aroma that I forgot and today, I rediscovered it.

The second thing that I always love in baking is when you mix flour to the liquid mixture (usually, it’s the egg mixture). I just found it magical that as you fold the flour into the mixture, it will slowly turn into something solid. The way the flour are incorporated into the mixture and it slowly becoming a cookie dough. I always eat the uncooked batter, though, heh :>

One of my most favourite part of baking is when you put the uncooked stuff into the oven. By then, my cookies are distributed evenly on baking sheets and this is a tricky part for me. The first batch is always a trial and error batch. I set the timer for 15 minutes and okie, there is too much spreading so the cookies kinda touch each other. However, it is not a serious issue, I just use a butter knife to cut through them and they are fine. See what I mean by trial and error? You learn from mistakes. For my second batch, the timer is set at 10 minutes and cookies are spread slightly farther from each other. My third batch is the one that makes me so happy.

My whole afternoon and night (cause I accidentally fell asleep and only bake the cookies at 8.30 pm, HAHAHA) were relaxing. I’m falling in love with baking again. I had been feeling quite empty and today, doing something I love and knowing that I still have the ability to create something tasty with my hands are giving me a confidence boost.

My sister ask me who I am baking for? I simply replied, “I’m baking for myself.” I had always baked with the intention of giving for my family and friends, today it is more of a journey of self-discovering. (WELL, TO BE HONEST, IT IS CAUSE MOST OF MY FRIENDS ARE ABROAD NOW SO I CAN’T SHARE THESE COOKIES WITH THEM AHAHHA)

Also, one of my friends said he will bake for me and that was actually quite a sweet gesture. It is always me who bake for people, not the other way around, so nice role reversal.

Alright, I try to take as many pictures as I can and if you saw my Instagram’s stories, that’s basically all of them. I do not know how food bloggers take such nice pictures WHILE baking. Like wtf man, I can’t be taking pictures and see that my butter has not burnt.


Loving how flat this is!


It look a bit runny here but chilling in fridge DEFINITELY helps



I was so lazy. This is the part where I accidentally felt asleep




From top to bottom; 1st batch, 2nd batch and the 3rd batch which make me shout with joy.



Instagram this shit.

Baking, Just Ehsan Elaborating

Cookies’ Chemistry

I found a website that talked about the chemistry behind the best chocolate chips cookies and it is pretty mindblowing! (Thanks to my last minute research on my kitchen chemistry assignment)

I have always known that baking cookies are not as simple as it seems. There are a lot of factors that can affect the end results. However, I wasn’t really that bothered to experiment it one by one. I’m satisfied with edible tasty cookies.

The one and only time I was so interested in a recipe were macaroons because that shit is hard. I did research for that sweet lil thing, baked 5 times for that and it’s still not successful. One day.

Anyway, back to chocolate chips cookies. Stumbling onto that site was magical. It was interesting as fk for me and it’s been a while that I was motivated to learn.

I’m just going to wait for Supa Save to restocked it Hershey’s chocolate chips and you will see me bake this tried and tested chocolate chips cookies!

They have a fking book on this. It’s definitely going on my book’s list now. Fk, I need to get this.

On another note, I have no comment on my post of “For My Shell“. Don’t ask me shits on it. Obviously, it’s for a person and nah, I won’t indulge on those details. 

Hugs, xx.






Quick Update on Brisbane:

There are 4 of us now travelling to Brisbane.

Possible of 5th and/or 6th person appearing and joining us.

Quick Update on Day:

Feeling bit empty these few days.

Uninstall Twitter and possibly Snapchat soon.

Gonna focus on what I love most for my mid-sem break in order to regain my footing.

Today (25/2) had been a good day cause of certain people I interacted with. Thank you.


For My Shell

“I still can’t get over you.”

That is what on my mind when I was alone.

When I’m not with my friends, when I’m just lying on the sofa and my songs are playing in the background, you somehow managed to creep into my mind.

We never took any pictures together. It doesn’t matter as memories of us are ingrained stubbornly in my mind.

The songs that you introduced to me. The book that you lend to me.

Pieces of your character were passed on to me to be remembered.

To be honest, I’m really tired now.

Tired of your smiles. Tired of those walks we took. Tired of those lunch times we had. Tired of the times we played frisbee. Tired of your jokes. Tired of your concern. Tired of everything that had anything to do with you since August 2014.

I kept thinking back when we met by fate on my birthday last year. I wasn’t sure if it was a blissful thing or a cruel joke honestly. I wasn’t prepared at all.

Are things better now? Yes.

Do I still love you? Always.

How do I know? Because I know that your happiness doesn’t lie with me.

You’re the worst and best thing ever that happened to me.

You’re my undoing.

You’re still my shell.



She sleeps all day all night,
Like Sleeping Beauty in a casket,
She sleep without the light,
As she wants the darkness to slowly cave her on.

She sleep away her sorrow,
her disappointments,
her bad memories,
By breathing calmly

She sleep by holding her baby pillow,
She sleep on her right side,
Cause she can hear her heartbeats clearly when on the left side,
And that terrified her.

Being so alive.

She sleeps all day all night,
Because she is tired of being someone else,
And by sleeping,
She can just let go of everything.

By sleeping,
She can be herself,
Think for herself,
And when she woke up later,
She is anew.



The ghosts of my past are catching up to me and it is mirroring in you.

I’m not sure if this will be a blissful dream or an endless nightmare.

Promises were made on the day of heartbreak but its seem like the sacred vows are being threatened by you.

By him.

By you.

By him.

By you.

It is an infinite cycle.

I’m staring back into the reflection of a girl who has a full heart. Not the shattered one. Not the one that a girl learn to sew it up by picking up the pieces slowly over the years.

It is all about to come down soon.

There’s still time to run.


For the sake of your salvation.