Just Ehsan Elaborating

Just Ehsan Elaborating #2

I am finally done with my exams last Saturday! 🙂

I noticed that the amount of pimples on my face is directly correlated to the level of stress I had. Lol. Three or two days before my first paper on Monday, it was really bad. As the days went by and my papers are getting less, it cleared up a bit.

I’m just taking extra care of my skin by pampering with mask sheets every night (I really had a ton of those stuffs) and eating fruits. Drinking lots of water too.

It is a month (+ few days) away from 2017! How is your resolution going? Did you manage to do at least one thing right? Lol, my resolution seems to be the same every year to a point that I don’t do it anymore. I just try to do and be the best as I can.

As for now, I’m going to start be a lil bit healthier than my pre-exams condition. That’s my goal for the holidays.

Talking about holidays, have you done any shopping yet? Those Black Fridays sales are just so irresistible!  SIMS 4 is having a huge 75% discount for their base pack! Until 29th November so still a few days left. Lol, dk why I’m promoting it.

I’m short of money now (but my savings are untouched) and I’m just waiting for now. There’s actually three main stuff that I will be spending on:

  1. SIMS 4 Base Pack ( + Get To Work Expansion Pack if possible)
  2. BIG BANG ‘s Album(s)
  3. K-Beauty Stuff

 

Who knows, I might just do a typical blogger post when those items have arrived. Lol. Though I don’t see myself as a beauty blogger. I suck at those things even though I’m starting to gain an interest on make up only like last month. I usually spend more on skin care.

I have a few ideas on what to write for now, stay tuned! Just need to jump-start that writing kicks again 😛

Hugs. XX.

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Ostentatious

WP Daily Prompt: Ostentatious

I logged into my blog tonight at this ungodly hour of 3.50 am because first of all, I am taking a break from studying and secondly, I just want to write something suddenly. Something that eating away at the back of my mind, but I am not even sure how to begin writing about it. It could be one of those late night over thinking thoughts though.

The prompt for today, I did not know what does it mean so I did a quick Google.

Ostentatious

 – characterized by pretentious or showy display; designed to impress.

And I was just blown away by what I found, because I was thinking of writing something similar on that. It is a coincidence or what?

Gawd, my thoughts are so disorganized now, I’m just going to flow with it and ignore grammar rules now.

To begin with, it is known that  we act differently depending on the people we are with. For example, family, friends, lovers, lecturers. I do not believe you if you said you act the same way for every person. I do not mean we did a complete 180 turn from how we usually act, of course there are still the essence of your personality, it just that there are restrictions depending on the social group you’re with.

And that is possibly what eating away at me. To be honest, I caught myself acting ostentatious in some settings? I’m not even sure if its pretentious but the way I am behaving in uni is so much different when with my friends.

Of course, I justify it by saying I’m only comfortable with my close friends and uni friends are just uni friends you know? They don’t watch you grow up and go through the awkward teenage phase with you. They didn’t go through high school with you.

However, I am open to the idea of being closer with uni friends. It’s not really about how long you knew that person, its how they make you feel.

It’s a bit suffocating, I guess? Lol, I just realize one of the reasons is probably because I can’t swear as much as I want to with my uni friends. Need to be proper a bit, like a fking lady. Jkay, I’m far from being it 😛

But I guess it’s probably because the way I am wired. I’m really shy and quiet (despite the opposite of what others have told me) and I need more time to open up to people. I do not really have the social skills to keep the conversation going and I really prefer to listen to what you have to say on certain things.

All those self-help articles and advice will always be about one thing. BE YOURSELF.

So, I am being myself. Just not 100% during uni.

However, another dilemma I’m facing now is that people seem to think that I’m faking it?

I know, I know, I might be contradicting myself now, but I never, ever, act in a way just so I can impress people. No, all that shit talk bout being cool/need to act this so can uphold my reputation/don’t wanna throw face is just fking annoying and again, shitty, really.

I DO NOT CARE ABOUT YOUR OPINIONS ON ME.

But yea, honestly, whatever I have done now, it is solely 100% my decisions.

No matter how fked up I am during that time of decision, it is ultimately MY DECISION ALONE.

These past couple of months, I might seem to be behaving differently from others’ perceptions of me, hence I might seem ostentatious. But no, I just want to say that people can change, and for me, I’m just finally doing whatever the hell I wanted to do. I’m breaking out of my shell.

Then again, I realize that it might have been too much of a drastic change for them to accept, but oh well, like it or leave it right?

My thoughts are clear now. I come to a conclusion that I am not ostentatious, lol. I just need to work on my social skills for uni.

Okie. Always remember to do whatever the fk you want (except criminal stuff like killing, use some common sense lah) and stay true to yourself. The worst enemy is yourself, but the best friend is also you.

xx

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AfterThoughts

‘The Longest Ride’AfterThoughts

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I remember this scene vividly from ‘The Longest Ride’ because of what Ira (the male character) said to Ruth. You can see the hurt in both of their eyes, you can feel the sincerity behind Ira’s words yet also sense a tingle of fear in his voice.

This scene is the epitome of “If you love someone, let them go.” It is one of the many portrayal of selfless love and what I feel people lacks in today’s society.

For me, romantic love isn’t about being in control, it isn’t about being consumed in the love that you suffocate in it, it’s not all things disruptions that pop songs seem to convey.

You want to be with someone who brings out the good in you and vice versa. Someone who won’t destroy you but instead show you that love is calm, soothing, like the dreamlike consciousness before you fell into your slumber. Love is a blessing, not a curse.

Call me a hopeless romantic, call me naive, but once you felt this, you’ll lose all sense of the ‘disruptive’ love. You won’t go back to it.

I remember I read a poem on ThoughtCatalog that express well on this. Once I found it, I’ll update here again! Just want to say something briefly on this pic which I stumbled upon on my laptop while taking a break from studying.

xx

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Its Not Always About Me Or You

I want to talk about a significant event which leave an impression on me.

It happened on the first day I arrived at KL. I am not a frequent traveller and it was my first time at the vibrant metropolitan city. We went to a famous street called Jalan Alor where it was filled with food stalls left and right.

Truly an amazing experience, with enthusiastic sellers (sometimes a bit too much) on sides showing you their menu, the aroma of a variety of food and drinks, people of all walks of life checking out the food. It was an endlessly long stretch of road that doesn’t seem to have a finish point. It’s always full of people cause Jalan Alor is a tourist hotspot (regret that I didn’t take any pics).

As my friends and I had decided on a place to eat, we sat down, ordered our food and waited patiently for it.

Then, you can hear music playing. A disabled man who seem to have lost his ability to walk were singing while rolling on a board with wheels.

I had read about poverty in third-world countries. I knew that poverty exist everywhere. This kind of things, you read it, you knew about it, but you don’t know the severity of it until you seen it in real life. It’s like that piece of advice which people told you to not donate when in poor areas because people will be swarming to you once you do. I don’t think I will be able to do that.

Seeing that sight made a huge impact on me. I lived in a country where good welfare are provided to its citizens, and even if non-citizens are excluded from the welfare, there will always be someone reaching hands and helping them. If that man was here at Brunei, he will definitely gain some kind of attention from the government.

My bubble of naivety kinda burst right there. Because I know, even if I donate RM100 today to the man, it won’t change his situation. He will always be singing along the Jalan Alor and people will throw money into his basket. Some gangster might even ‘owned’ him and take his earnings at the end of day.

What’s even more uncomfortable is he wasn’t the only one, there are two to three people doing similar things.

Do you know how heartbreaking it is?

It was too much for me to handle. Jalan Alor was filled with the stench of desperation at that moment.

It make me reflect on my own situation. My mama was right, even though we might be in a tight spot, we have a roof over our head, we are healthy. We are not that worst off. It made me realize that I am lucky. I am grateful that I can attend school safely whereas in other parts of the world, girls are threatened and forbidden to have an education. I am grateful that I have food to eat and clean water to drink everyday whereas there are others who do not have access to these. I am grateful to grew up in a society where ‘honour killings’ and ‘child marriages’ are non-existent.

My personal problems are insignificant and hold no relevance to the problems in real world.

I realize that the point of having education is to help change the lives of those who can’t afford it.

KL trip experience will definitely stay with me. We are a privileged generation and that its not always about me or you in this world.

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Just sharing some pics from my laptop, all these three pictures are captured by my friend, Ben when he was back in Brunei earlier this year. We went to Empire Hotel because well, its just nice there plus lotsa IG-worthy pics.

 

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 I just love this pic.

 

 

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I don’t think this is taken at Empire by the way.

 

 

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This is therapy, with the sound of waves crashing and wind blowing at your face. You can ‘smell’ the sea. Its a relaxing experience. 

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Monthly Last Post

Water and Green Tea

I like to apologize for my lack of updates. Truth is, I got lazy. Lol. Unlike my previous post which strike the fire in me to write, I have not got the same motivation since then.

Not only that, I forgot to write my monthly last post on October and its been almost two weeks into November now. *insert apologizing emoji*

A few quirky insights on my life since October:

  1. Assignments were killing me and it was not just because of the content, uncooperative problematic whiny teammates contribute to such a big factor towards my stress level.
  2. Due to lack of sleep and unhealthy eating habits, almost everyone at uni were sick, coughing sneezing all that stuffs, and I managed to evade it?
  3. My friends and me went on the back of my friend’s truck (okie, not really a big truck, but a smaller version of it) and that was fun. Especially when he turn around a bend and we kinda slide along.
  4. I did not realize that goofing around at a book store can be a fun experience. A friend of mine make puns with the books titles.
  5. A small ball worth 50 cents can bring me such happiness.

Okie, those are just some of those stuff that I can remember.

This month, I kind of spend a lot of money on food, movies and a freakishly expensive photobook…… I wasn’t able to save more than BND$150.

BRISBANE SAVINGS SO FAR: $640

It’s a good progress actually, I can buy my air ticket to Brisbane by January 🙂 AND USING SINGAPORE AIRLINES WHAT MORE!

Alright, just an advice, do hydrate yourself with water and green tea (like what I am doing now) so that you won’t end up with so much pimples on your face :<

Till next time,
Ehsan

 

 

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