Today prompt made me think back of an 18-year-old me. I thought of a promise I made with a significant someone in the past. He made me promised that I would not lose a part of my identity when I am infatuated with him. This promise was in response when I told him that he was my shell. At that time, I was quite dependent on him, hence the ‘shell’ analogy that I used for him.
I knew that I could not keep that promise. He knew that too and he took a harsh approach when I break it.
Along the way, I just lose myself in him. I felt like my existence was defined when I was with him. He knew how harmful is that. He saw it coming, I didn’t.
On some days, I wondered if he knew that I’m still struggling to pick up pieces of my personality that I had lost.
It was destructive, I admit, but did I regretted it? No, never.
One important lesson I learnt from that period of time is that I should never compromise my self-worth to suit another person. The aftermath can be a painful journey to retrace your steps back to the starting point, but you will rediscover yourself along the process.
I’m still retracing.