Habits

I am slipping back onto old habits again.

Today, I bought these cups noodles cause you used to complain your parents never let you eat during high school and you can do it now.

Yesterday, I turned on the water heater when I passed by the shower. On my way to kitchen, I was prepared to make 2 cups of coffee when I realized I was alone.

A week ago, I went to watch the movie that you had anticipated for months and bought salted popcorn when I liked it sweet.

Two weeks ago, I wondered if your sister liked the gift that we picked for her.

A month ago, you were caught in a crossfire and shot in the gut. I don’t remembered the anxiety and frantic call from your mum, the medical jargon of the doctor or the smell of hospital.

The only thing that is sketched in my mind was that you looked so handsome and at peace, lying still on the hospital bed.

Comatose. 

I am living and constantly reminded with pieces of you at the apartment we got when we married.

“Please come back to me, please, please.”

Those were the words I said till I fell asleep on the right side of the bed. I missed your complains of me hogging our bed the next morning. It’s funny how I don’t do that anymore.

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