Monthly Last Post

Main Purpose

Hey guys!

So I figured I should start blogging one of the main purpose I started this blog (Lol, after like a month).

Last June, I went to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia with a bunch of my close friends and the exchange rate made it attractive for us (it was like BND$1 = RM$3). It was easier for me to save my money for that trip, I only start allocating my money for that trip 2 months before flying off.

For now, I am planning to travel to Brisbane, Australia next year during my summer holiday (mid May  ~end of July). As we are aware, travelling = $$$. Australia is quite an expensive country to travel to in terms of food and accommodation when compared to Malaysia. Hence, I had started to save my money for this trip since July 2016.

A little bit of useful information you should know on how I save my money. I am fortunate enough to be a citizen of Brunei and our country has a good welfare systems for its citizens. I practically don’t have to pay tuition fees for my university. Not only that, the government gives a monthly living allowance for those citizens who are studying at any of the higher education institutions. I would like to clarify that it is only for Bruneian citizens. In a joking way, the government seem to pay me to study but study such a bore for me.

So every month, I will allocate half of my living allowance for Brisbane and for the other half, I spent it on my rent, food, entertainment and other necessities (like phone’s credit, internet bills). If there are excess, I save it for my trip.

I did a rough estimate of this saving plans and by next Jan 2017, I should have enough money just to buy the air tickets to Brisbane. 😦 I estimated the air ticket to be BND$800.

The main reason I’m going to Brisbane is to celebrate my close friend 21st birthday. My friend is currently pursuing her degree at one of the university at Brisbane and she told me such a sad story that she celebrated her 20th birthday alone during June. Not sure what came over me, but I told her that she will not be alone next year, I will be there for her and doing all crazy stuffs with her. From then on, I was determined to go to Brisbane. Not only that, one of my favourite cousin went to Brisbane too for his education last August. All the more reasons to go.

I will update how much I have saved by end of each month as a form of motivation. You guys can track my progress too. One other thing is, suggest to me some places to go in Brisbane! I haven’t planned my itinerary yet as I wanna have my money ready for it, so feel free to do so! Check ‘Stalk Me Here’ at the bottom 😛

If you been following me for a month, thank you for your patience and support! NICK C!





Maybe I’m so good in convincing myself that I’m okay being alone that it is somehow hardwired in me that I prefers to be alone.

Don’t get me wrong. I know that having some time for yourself can be a good way of learning to appreciate yourself. I’m okay with eating alone, shopping alone, going on a “me date” by myself (tried it all before).

However, once you settled down during a class where everyone seem to have their own friends/gang.

Those laughter and conversation around you while you’re just sitting there in the middle.

Whereas the phone is your only companion.

That is when I felt lonely.

Its a complicated thing honestly. I know I matter in someone else life, but this moment, this exact moment I’m breathing admist the crowd, a hole just suddenly appear in my heart. I’m like the exact same circle in a polka-dots blouse.

This moment, I am invisible. I did not exist.


However, I want to make it clear to you that there are many points in your life that you will feel this way. You feel underappreciated. You feel like you didn’t matter.

Perhaps you didn’t even want to live anymore.

But it is only for NOW.

Breathe. It’s only for now.

Hope exists in future.




Have you ever encounter such cb (annoying) people in your team? Like wtf, they act as if they have so much work to do, when in fact, they did nothing at all. Even if they did, it’s a shitty job, they might as well don’t then. Either go hard or go home.

Then when these people are reprimanded for their inaction or lack of contribution in group work, they got all offended/pussy up and denied it with excuses such as “Why are you blaming me?”. They might even resort to a petty method of badmouthing in front of you, saying you’re an asshole deliberately so you can hear.

Fk these free riders and/or these problematic people who can’t seem to think that they are wrong.

These type of people are immature and childish. I can’t believe that even after high school, these people still exist in higher education institutions.
I guess drama does not really end at high school.

Learn to take criticism and admit your faults.



I am slipping back onto old habits again.

Today, I bought these cups noodles cause you used to complain your parents never let you eat during high school and you can do it now.

Yesterday, I turned on the water heater when I passed by the shower. On my way to kitchen, I was prepared to make 2 cups of coffee when I realized I was alone.

A week ago, I went to watch the movie that you had anticipated for months and bought salted popcorn when I liked it sweet.

Two weeks ago, I wondered if your sister liked the gift that we picked for her.

A month ago, you were caught in a crossfire and shot in the gut. I don’t remembered the anxiety and frantic call from your mum, the medical jargon of the doctor or the smell of hospital.

The only thing that is sketched in my mind was that you looked so handsome and at peace, lying still on the hospital bed.


I am living and constantly reminded with pieces of you at the apartment we got when we married.

“Please come back to me, please, please.”

Those were the words I said till I fell asleep on the right side of the bed. I missed your complains of me hogging our bed the next morning. It’s funny how I don’t do that anymore.


Live it your way

Be messy. Break your mama’s rule of maintaining a lady-like image. Drink straight from the carton, even if it is past the expiry date
(as long as it doesn’t smell bad).
Pile on the dishes if you don’t feel like washing it,
it can wait.
Wear a ring on the middle finger so that when you showed it,
it is nicely decorated with gold.
Wear the shortest shorts you can find at home, one that your dad will always cringe but you still love it anyways.
Sleep late, sleep early, sleep when you know you can’t handle the pain of loneliness.
Chat with a friend that is miles away from you and confess to him/her the things that you been wanting to say but can’t.
Have a long shower with sad music playing in the background.
Take time to shampoo and massage your head.
Drink a cold drink continuously and
felt the coldness through your throat when you stop.
Don’t cut yourself, decorate the scars with highlighter instead.
Lay on the floor and turn off all the lights when home alone,
just breathe
and let your thoughts wander around.

When you are done, tell yourself that it is just one of those days where you are feeling like shit and it will passed soon.
And go,
wash the dishes,
brush your teeth,
give your face a mask and then
be grateful that you are only human.


‘Train To Busan’ AfterThoughts

Hello readers! *wink wink at certain someone*

AfterThoughts will be my personal take on movies/dramas/shows/any kind of visual entertainments that left an impression on me. It’s basically my personal thoughts after watching it, so spoiler alert!

On 18th September, I finally had a chance to watch Train To Busan, a Korean movie about zombies basically, with a close friend of mine. He had to watch me cry and listen to my sniffles during the movie and after in his car. Just for context, I’m a person who cries easily.

There were a lot of scenes that made me cry. Some of them are listed below.
– the soldier that was asking for help as he was walking slowly towards the main character
– high school kid can’t beat his friends who had turned into zombies,
– the pregnant wife’s husband got bitten and sacrifice himself,
– the lil girl crying as the other passengers won’t open the door for them (that fat ass old motherfker was holding the door, remember?)
– the high school couples died in the end [intense crying]
– the beggar that sacrifice himself

And finally, the scene that really broke my heart was when the main character thought of the day his daughter was born at his dying moments (of being human).

Seeing how so many characters that I thought would have a chance of surviving died in the end, I was expecting the soldier to shoot the last two survivors at the tunnel. It was a tense moment seeing how he was prepared to shoot and thankfully, the little girl sing. Who would have thought singing can save you?

There were a lot of self-sacrifices in this movie. Have you ever question yourself, could you do it? Could you throw away your own life to help others? In my opinion, this is the main theme that Train To Busan seem to highlight.

It is basically a test of your humanity. At the beginning of the movie, we can see that the main character (MC) was selfish and tell his daughter to take care of herself at times like this. He also called some high ranking officials in the army to exclude the two of them. There is another character which display the same behaviour as him; the old guy.
The main difference is that the MC changed throughout the movie while the old muthafuka guy just keep fking around and killing so many people.

However, can you really blame him for being selfish? What would you do in his exact situation? Everyone was scared and desperate to survive. The strongest will prevail while the weak will die. That old guy had that concept. In his dying moment, he was scared. You can see it in his eyes. And also, he wanted to go back to his family. That reason justified his horrible actions. It’s easy to hate him, but what will you do?

Nonetheless, if the passengers were to let them in in the first place, so many deaths could be prevented. If only they helped each other instead  of bickering, they would have known the zombies’ weak spots. The pregnant lady’s husband could be alive. The sister too.

But they didn’t, instead they gagged up the high school girl. It’s really frustrating. At a crisis like this, we need to help each other. Look what happen to them, karma hits them and they fking died in the end. Serve them right. If only they were not afraid.

Another significant moment was the scene where the father thought of the day his daughter was born. It symbolized the happier days and innocence. It symbolized a father’s promise to love and protect his daughter with all his life. And he did.

This movie posed so many questions to me. The thing I fear is that, I would be like that old guy, egotistical and frightened. Yes, as an audience, I readily said that I will help, but I’m not prepared to risk my life as well for strangers.

That’s the thing about humans, we are prepared to throw our life for people that we love, but we have second thoughts for strangers.