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In the past, there were quite a number of people who I thought I can’t imagine life without them. That I can’t live without them. Things would not be the same if they were gone from my life.

But they were gone. They did leave.

And I survived. I do live my life without them.


But then again, a part of me died each time and I’m becoming less than a whole. 

Tonight is the night where I feel like dying because everything just seem so sad.

And its not a simple “Get over it” “You’ll be fine soon” “Try to cheer up”.

If you said those words to me, just know that I won’t talk to you in future when I’m going through the same thing. 

I’m not cutting you off, but I know enough that you can’t empathize with me and I don’t feel like trying to make you understand when I’m going through this.
I can’t be happy tonight. 

I have so much unhappy things in mind and so many unanswered questions that it affect today. 

It just happens and I’m sick of this as well.

Tonight really is the night where I feel as if, I’m really just a space in people lives and I don’t matter in your life.

I’m back yo.

Hello. Hi. Hey.

Yep, I know its been a while since I update this blog. There are some random writings (I think?) that appear here.

***went to read my most recent posts***

Okay, so the last one was a piece of some writings and I been writing less since April.

I was gonna say nothing interesting is happening in my life but now that I think about it, that’s not quite true? My ‘interesting’ is just hanging out with friends though. I still haven’t written a piece on a short weekend trip I had with my friends.

It’s funny how I wrote here that I find writing doesn’t heal me at that moment and I finally found strength here via my weakness. It’s pretty ironic. To think that he who caused so much pain once upon a time, made me lifted my fingers to write about him. Again.

All served as a lesson in life anyway.

I’m just back from a hangout and I felt happy.

It’s official, I’m back to writing guys. I found things to write about. My words are back.

 

Let me let you on a few secrets that genuine nice friends will never tell you about.

The thing about being there for someone is, it is tiring. When you knocked on our doors past midnight needing to talk about your problems, we are tired and want to curl under our blankets. However, we love you, so we will definitely welcome you with a big hug and a cup of hot Milo.

Don’t ask us if we are tired/sick of listening to the same shits you’re dealing with. Yes, we are, but we also know that you are still struggling, so no, we are not “sick of listening to you repeating the same shits”. In fact, we are probably raking our brains out on what more can we do to help you. We want to see you happy. Short and simple.

We do know when we are being used as a doormat. Trust us, we do. We just put on an act because (this might not make sense to you), those people who used us are really just lonely. They don’t have someone in their life like us, and we noticed that. So we listen. And we forgive. Then we forget. Thank you for warning us. It is because we have friends like you that we are able to do this.

Lastly, we actually admire you for trusting us. We admire you for showing your raw self to us, spilling the truths in hushed tones. The reason why is because we are actually more secretive than we let on. We have perfected our “I’m really fine” and laughter well so that you would not worried about us.

The thing about being there for you and knowing your problems is that, at the end of the day, we do not want to bother you with our stuff. I know, it’s stubborn and ironic of us. However, most of the time, we know what to do (just that we are in denial and need time) so really, that’s why we find it pointless to talk about it.

We experienced so much sadness that we do not want to see it on you. That is the main reason why we are there for you.