Let me let you on a few secrets that genuine nice friends will never tell you about.

The thing about being there for someone is, it is tiring. When you knocked on our doors past midnight needing to talk about your problems, we are tired and want to curl under our blankets. However, we love you, so we will definitely welcome you with a big hug and a cup of hot Milo.

Don’t ask us if we are tired/sick of listening to the same shits you’re dealing with. Yes, we are, but we also know that you are still struggling, so no, we are not “sick of listening to you repeating the same shits”. In fact, we are probably raking our brains out on what more can we do to help you. We want to see you happy. Short and simple.

We do know when we are being used as a doormat. Trust us, we do. We just put on an act because (this might not make sense to you), those people who used us are really just lonely. They don’t have someone in their life like us, and we noticed that. So we listen. And we forgive. Then we forget. Thank you for warning us. It is because we have friends like you that we are able to do this.

Lastly, we actually admire you for trusting us. We admire you for showing your raw self to us, spilling the truths in hushed tones. The reason why is because we are actually more secretive than we let on. We have perfected our “I’m really fine” and laughter well so that you would not worried about us.

The thing about being there for you and knowing your problems is that, at the end of the day, we do not want to bother you with our stuff. I know, it’s stubborn and ironic of us. However, most of the time, we know what to do (just that we are in denial and need time) so really, that’s why we find it pointless to talk about it.

We experienced so much sadness that we do not want to see it on you. That is the main reason why we are there for you.

 

 

WA Rant

I am one of those generations where my childhood was VHS tapes, playing outside, home phone, bulky computers, and BackStreet Boys. I still remember the time where I would talk for hours on the landline (cause it is far more cheaper and my friends and I doesn’t have our own phones at that age).

Now, at 20 years old, I see how our mobile phones had grown; from those flip phones to touchscreen smartphone. Our way of communication has changed too. Sending text messages that cost 20 cents each to practically free now via Whatsapp.

And that lies the problem. It seems that we do not know how to communicate effectively. Call, not text when the topic is something serious. Personally, I just don’t like solving things such as conflict through text.

I just want to talk about Whatsapp honestly.

You definitely have someone who blueticked you before or you are the one who did that.

The reason I bought up conflicts cause some time ago, I resort to WA to solve something and long story short, I got ignored (both through texts and real life).

And honestly, if you are one who does that, I want you to understand that it takes a lot of courage to send those messages, you know? I know I am at the risk of being ignored but I am still taking that risk because, for some blind reason, at that time, I think you are worth it (that how I felt ages ago, now, nope).

Just imagine this happening in real life, alright. You’re basically denying my existence in front of me and if you don’t think that is rude*, I pray your mannerism get better.
*In the context that we knew each other/are friends, not in the context of a drunken person shouting at you, in the case, you have the right to ignore. Use common sense lah in what I mean here.

So yea, maybe I’m just another millennial being butthurt or what not, this is the 21st century yall, don’t start ignoring a person w/o any reasons. It just made me so fking pissed when I heard of these things happening. *roll eyes*

Happy Birthday

It’s your birthday today.

My computer reminded me today with an alarm.
My phone reminded me with permanently flagging that date.
My email account sent a courtesy reminder to my inbox.

Its been a year.

Funny how technology the one that maintains this thin thread between us.

I didn’t want to be alone today.

Because I know I will be reminiscing about the past and wondering myself if I ever will get closure.

I’m done blaming myself, analyzing my actions, pondering those “what if” situations. In some ways, I moved on from that phase.

But I was alone today.

And it kind of forces me to face the reality that I did not change much. I’m a bit disappointed but know that I’m not tied down by you anymore.

I uh, I couldn’t greet you. Directly. Cause I know I’m just a distant memory now. Thrown and forgotten and I don’t want for you to be reminded of how I was. How I was last year when we met coincidentally.

So I’m doing this here because I found strength through my writing.

Happy Birthday.

Disdain

We could have spent Saturday night watching a movie on your sofa but you choose to drive to town instead.

We could have spent our days in laughter and be happy but you choose to be sad instead.

We could have help and support each other but you choose to take only.

You could have all of me but you choose someone who does not even give a part of their heart.

–  This been in my draft for too long.